


Who Is it?

by AngelDove, cacoethes_scribendi



Series: The youtube series [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Castiel, Betrayal, Dean and Castiel working things out, Embedded Video, Fanvids, Gen, Heartbroken Castiel, Homeless Castiel, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel, Profound Bond, Sad Castiel, Suicidal Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:24:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3288575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelDove/pseuds/AngelDove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacoethes_scribendi/pseuds/cacoethes_scribendi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is devastated when he finds that Dean betrayed him in the worst way possible: by sleeping with his girlfriend.  He finds it hard to deal with his emotions and decides to take drastic action.<br/>Dean regrets his actions and hopes that he and Cas can work things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Is it?

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fan video that my friend AngelDove did for me whilst I was sick.  
> She wasn't a fan then, she wasn't very good at manipulating the video programme that she uses.  
> However, she tapped into my desire, and my love of Michael Jackson and came up with this wonderful video.  
> Her prowess with the programme and her love of Supernatural (she's even written stories here too) have grown exponentially.  
> We wrote an accompanying story to go with this video. Hope you like it :).  
> cacoethes_scribendi

Castiel forlornly remembered the first meeting with Dean. He'd walked into the barn allowing his grace to expand a little from his vessel causing lights to burst and the humans inside to fear for their lives. Castiel had been so sure of himself and his mission back then. Life had been so simple; obeying orders was all he had known. 

Then he'd met Dean Winchester, hunter extra-ordinaire and his life had changed irreparably. 

He'd grown close to the man. The profound bond they shared grew as time passed. They had been through a lot together, had worked as a team; he, Dean and even Sam. They had battled against heaven, demons and the apocalypse together and won. 

Castiel had even trusted Dean more than his own kind, more than his own Father. When Castiel had become human he was lost. He'd relied on Dean so much then. The times alone without Dean had been hard. Without Dean and Sam to look after him, he was sure that he would have ended up dead but with their help he'd recovered his grace.

However, their past and trust was all moot now. How had it come to this?

Castiel's trip down memory lane continued with his first date. He'd been so nervous and unprepared, but luckily Dean had known what to do. He'd helped him dress and had given him the sort of pep talk; he'd never ever received before. It had meant so much to him. It pained Castiel so much to realise that it probably hadn't meant anything at all to Dean. 

He remembered walking with a steely determination towards the front door before bending down full of excitement to cut the rose for his beloved....

Sam’s voice pulled him out of his memories. “Cas, what’s wrong? You’ve been like this all day.”

“I don’t understand; I gave her everything, money, time, passion. I gave her my heart.” His voice was barely loud enough for the men to hear, but he didn’t care. He didn’t even want to look at them. It hurt too much.

The first time she'd opened the door to him; he couldn't help running his eyes up and down the body of the beauty that stood before him. It was impossible for him to hold back the grin he had painted on his face when he'd stepped through the doorway and into her home. 

Sam’s voice broke through his memories again. Sam obviously had no idea what had happened. It took every ounce of control not to spit it out, to hold back.

“What is it Cas?” Sam gently asked. 

He didn’t answer. If he did, he didn’t know how much he would be able to control himself. So he did the only thing he could do and turn his back on them. He didn’t want to see Dean; he didn’t want to see the guilty expression. He couldn’t handle it.

Sam began to speak again, and he wanted to turn around and shout at the man, reveal what he had seen but he couldn’t. Sam was trying to help; he was innocent, and it wasn’t his fault.

“I'm no longer with Josie” he choked out.

“I’ve been through plenty of breakups; it helps to talk about it” Sam gingerly said.

“I can’t, Sam.” He wanted to leave. This was too hard, and being so close to the man who had betrayed him, a man he never thought would ever do such a thing felt like rubbing salt onto open wounds.

His first kiss ever was more than he'd ever imagined. Although he had a nervous flutter in his stomach it had instantly changed into something more carnal when their lips met. 

Sam and Dean remained standing behind him, concerned by his morose mood, but he didn’t care, the memories were like a hot poker prodding at him, making him feel the pain of the betrayal again. He had felt fulfilled for the first time in his whole angel existence. He had found someone, someone who made him feel, made him laugh. Someone, who accepted him for all his awkward mannerisms, and wanted him for him. It went deeper than the friendship he had with Sam and Dean, it had touched him in a way he never thought would be possible. He'd heard of angel's falling in love with humans and believed it wrong. He'd never known how an angel could do something so forbidden, worse even than his rebelling for 'Team Free Will'. Finally he knew and it ripped him apart.

Their first time together was full of promise. Josie had promised that she'd be his forever and that she'd love him forever. As he'd whispered the same vows to her it felt like he was being created anew. He couldn't help feeling bitter, her promises were so untrue.

“It can’t be that bad, Cas, tell us what happened… we might be able to help.” Dean spoke this time, attempting to reassure him. 

But it didn’t reassure him, it broke him even more. It brought back the memory of what he'd seen in the impala, neither of them knew he was standing there, had seen it all. 

The memory of Dean was scorched into his mind, like a hot poker had branded it to his memory in great detail. It was the last thing he thought would ever happen. Dean Winchester, someone who he'd considered a brother, had betrayed him in the worst way possible. 

“Cas, we’re family, we can work through this together, and you don’t need to be bottling it all up.” Dean spoke gently, soothingly and it angered him. Did the man not know that he knew?

He turned around, feeling the anger rise within him like a bubble. How could he say they were family after what he'd done to him?

“You’re not my family, Dean” he stated coldly as he looked up at Dean. He was sure then that Dean knew that he had seen them. The older Winchester lowered his head and couldn’t look at him. Looking at him had brought another vivid memory to the surface twisting in the pit of his stomach. The image of Dean steaming up the impala, naked on top of the woman he'd loved with all his heart floored him. The replay of Dean kissing and thrusting into her was too much for him to handle.

He had to get out of there, had to leave before he did something that he would regret later, he couldn’t stand being around the man any longer. He turned to leave, he wanted the man to know, he considered no one his family, and he didn’t trust anyone anymore, especially not him. 

“I have no family.” He said simply and left. 

Nothing mattered anymore. 

Nothing seemed right anymore.

He'd spent so much time alone, crying, since being betrayed that he couldn't help hating that he'd made the mistake opening up to Josie and trusting her with everything that he had.

He walked aimlessly replaying events in his head.

He didn’t know where he was going, but somehow his feet led him to a barn he recognised. When the doors opened to the same barn he had first met Dean in, his anger rose, every step brought him closer and closer to the boiling point. 

Dean was his friend, he had considered him family. 

As his anger rose he remembered the argument with Josie. How she'd told him that she didn't need him any longer. She'd walked out the door, leaving him standing with the single rose behind his back. He'd always greeted her with a rose and she'd called him a hopeless romantic for it. 

When the door slammed shut behind her, leaving behind hints of her perfume, he remembered how broken he'd felt. How he couldn't help wondering why she'd left him, had she found someone else?

Those thoughts had eaten away at him until he could take it no longer and he'd gone to search for Dean.

And find him he had.

Bedding his Josie on the back seat of the impala, like an animal who couldn't wait, like she was a common whore.

He couldn’t take it any more, his anger tipped over the edge and he felt the fury of the betrayal surge through his entire being. He found Dean outside a bar, obviously about to enter it. Self-righteous anger fuelled him, he couldn’t wait any longer. 

Even as Dean turned, surprised, towards him he grabbed hold of him and shoved him hard, pushing him into the alleyway, he'd betrayed him, he'd ruined it all. Memories flashed through his mind, causing his anger to burn and rip through him. He flinched as another memory exploded in front of him, fuelling his anger more.

As he shoved Dean against the wall he couldn't help but spit “I gave up everything for you.” He had given him everything. He'd rebelled for him, he was once a hunted angel, and he’d killed his own brothers and sisters for him. All so he could... 

His thoughts broke off as another sickening image flashed through his mind.

He threw Dean across the other side of the alley, he couldn’t stand looking at him, it just brought it all back and the man had acted like he'd done nothing wrong.

His whole body raged, restless, he wanted to hurt this man, wanted to beat him to within an inch of his life but he couldn’t. Another memory of them both flashed unbidden through his mind. He gritted his teeth and shoved at the man’s chest “And this is what you give to me!” He shouted rhetorically before punching and kicking him with renewed vigour. 

In order to show Dean how deeply he'd been hurt that night he placed his fingers against Dean’s temple to show him what he had seen that night, hating that he had to re-watch it again in colour. Dean stood stunned; he'd hoped that Castiel would never find out about that night. He knew that Josie was seeing Castiel but it had just happened. He hadn't meant it to. Dean's thoughts just served to make Castiel even angrier. 

He pulled Dean from the wall, barely able to hold back his strength as he punched him; it wasn’t enough; the anger refused to relent whilst Dean remained standing. He couldn’t stand seeing him and gave him a swift kick to his stomach, causing Dean to fly through the air and hit the fence. 

He had to get out of there; he had to leave before he killed him.

The image of the steamed up window mocked Castiel as it broke him all over again when he staggered away from Dean. 

Castiel wandered aimlessly for what felt like days. He felt like he was one of the dammed, like he was a dead man walking as the agony continued to rip him apart. 

He couldn’t even begin to understand why his friend had chosen to break him so thoroughly, why his Josie had callously ripped his heart out before stamping all over it. Where was the justice he'd once so thoroughly believed in?

Was this his punishment for betraying heaven? For choosing the Winchesters over the orders he'd received?

If it was he could only wish that the punishment would end and mercy would come. 

With the human emotions running rampant, the needs of his vessel began to take over. It was something he had never heard of before. He felt sick to his stomach, the memories and now the need for nourishment and the bone aching tiredness made him feel miserable. It was another kick his already fragile emotional state of mind.

When his tired body cried out for respite and he decided to rest in an abandoned bus, even then, he couldn’t rest. His mind knew no respite and memories of his time with Josie continued to play through his head.

Castiel wandered the streets in search of solace but finding none.

When hungry he'd try, sometimes in vain, to find food. He hated that his body had taken over his life. 

He wished for so many things, for peace, for sleep, for his hunger to cease and more and more he wished for death.

It seemed that even the world mocked him as he seemed to see Josie on every street where his tired feet trod. His angelic essence drowned as the human part took control, he tried to teleport himself away, tried hard to connect but the further he fell into the deep despair of humanity, the deeper inside it retreated. More and more he believed that he would never feel at peace again. 

He felt dirty, with his grace disconnected, he could no longer clean himself or his clothes. He could feel the layers of grime from days and nights of wear of the clothes. He found money on the side walk, enough to be able to wash his clothes or buy something to eat and on a whim he decided that his clothes badly needed a wash. Perhaps clean clothes would improve his feelings. Maybe then he would be able to reconnect with his grace, and take himself away from the reminders that he saw everywhere he looked. 

As he sat watching his clothes spin around he finally knew what to do.

He needed to leave humanity behind and find nature.

That was how his memories would cease. It would be the way to end his torture and finally gain much needed peace. With no people around him to remind him of the betrayal he would be able to put it behind him.

He walked decisively out the small town he'd found himself in and deep into the woods.

He realised his mistake too late.

Without the world around him acting as a distraction he was fully alone with his memories. Without the sounds of traffic nor people he could hear them.

Hear Dean and Josie mocking him. 

Groaning with pleasure. 

Laughing at his pain. It was all around him, in the trees, in the air even in the sky above.

The mocking made him dizzy and he couldn't block it out even though he tried. It was too much for him to bear.

He didn't hear the truck behind him until it was almost too late. On reflex he jumped out of the way. Pain shot through his body and upon seeing his bloody hand he knew what he had to do to make the pain stop. He refused the anxious man's help and staggered off.

***  
Dean had staggered back to Bobby's beaten and bloody. At first he hadn't wanted to tell them what had happened but after a few stiff drinks, coaxing from Sam and an order from Bobby he'd told them everything.

Both had been furious with him. 

They had both been adamant that Castiel needed them more than ever.

They'd been looking for Castiel for days, had tried phoning him without answer. They finally decided to track his phone and set off to get him.

Dean drove like a mad man to the last coordinates he had for Castiel. He had asked around frantically at the gas station a few miles out from where he was currently running through the forest and had been lucky. The witness was about to leave the gas station and be back on his way, he recounted his story of the man in the trench-coat, standing in the middle of the road, almost as if he appeared out of nowhere. He'd seen him too late and had almost knocked him over swerving just in time. The man had fallen to the side and he had offered him help upon seeing the blood from his hand and head, but the man waved him away taking off and walking down the trail into the forest.

Dean knew it was Castiel and before the truck driver could finish he was already running to his car and taking off along the road to where he was last seen. He pulled over as he reached the place the driver had described and took to running on foot shouting for Castiel. He couldn't have gotten far.

He pulled out his phone as he continued to run, pressing speed dial, waiting for Sam to pick up.

“Found him.” He heavily panted as he continued running; he didn’t want to slow down.

“He’s near the Lost Island Lake just north of Ruthven. I’m about a mile out. Meet you there.”

He disconnected the call before he heard Sam’s response and continued to run through the trees, the edge of a clearing was up ahead.

He made it to a clearing in no time, but he couldn’t see anyone. He rested his hands against his thighs getting his breath back before he begun to run again, he had to be around here somewhere.  
He started off at a fast walk at first, scanning the area. He could see the lake, in the distance and a building close by where Sam came into view, jogging at an even pace towards him.

“Have you found him?” Sam asked worried lines creasing his forehead.

“Not yet, but the driver said he came this way. He has to be here somewhere. Where is Bobby?”

“He’s looking around the building in case Cas went in there.”

“Alright, well let’s try over there at the lake; he could be sitting on the banks.”

They both took off at a run, making quick work of the distance that was left. As they neared the lake, they could see a figure walking into it, arms raised. The figure was wearing a trench-coat. Dean looked over frantically at Sam and sprinted forward, tearing off his jacket as he tore on to the small jetty just as the figure disappeared beneath the water. He didn’t hang around, what was Cas thinking? He heard Sam’s large feet hitting the wood as he readied himself and dived in.

A second after hitting the water, he heard the sound of water breaking and knew Sam had joined him. They both frantically searched, trying to find him. It felt like a long time before Dean felt something below the water, and he dived down. Castiel was limp and didn’t move. It took some time securing him close to his body, so he could pull them both backup and break the surface of the water, but finally he made it.

“Hey Sam! I got him! Help me drag him out!”

Sam swam quickly to join him, he helped carry Castiel back to the bank and to haul him out of the water.

“Help me get him to the building then find Bobby. After that I want you to run to baby and fetch a blanket and rope.” 

They managed to carry Castiel to the building and called for Bobby. Luckily he was still inside and rushed forward, helping to lay him on the ground. Sam ran off to get the things Dean had asked for as Bobby checked for vitals before beginning CPR. 

“He’s cold and not breathing Dean” Bobby said gently, when he got no response from Castiel. 

“No, he will be fine; I know he will. He’s an angel, maybe he doesn’t need a heart beat nor to breathe?”  
“I don’t know. I think there must be something up with his grace, it's not healed him and it looks like he drowned. We need to take him to the hospital… Dean. I don’t know if it’s too late. We might need a miracle.”

“No, he will be fine. Keep going until Sam gets back.”

Dean quickly got up and and went to cut some sturdy but light and flexible branches for when Sam came back. He placed them together ready for the rope. He wished Sam and his gigantic legs would hurry up!

As soon as a panting Sam got back they worked quickly to tie the blanket to the branches in order to create a makeshift litter with which to carry Castiel back to the impala with. 

Any change Bobby?” Dean choked when he re-entered the building. “It's not looking good son” Bobby whispered with a shake of his head, “there's a heart beat but it's barely there. He's hardly breathing and and he hasn't coughed up any water. 

“Then we need to hurry up. Help me get him up and onto the litter.”

They rushed as quickly as they could back to the impala, Bobby checking Castiel's vitals every few minutes. When they reached the vehicles, Dean stated that he would sit in the back of the impala with Castiel as he threw the keys to his brother. Bobby would follow in the pick-up.

As they screeched to a halt at the emergency entrance Castiel was quickly taken from the back seat of the impala and put on to a hospital gurney before being rushed through the hospital front doors and in to a cubicle. Sam and Dean stood stunned, staring through the open curtains, watching as doctors and nurses worked on saving their friend. Dean held his breath, not knowing if Castiel would make it, not knowing if he would ever get the chance to say how sorry he was. Castiel had looked so weak, laying there on the hospital bed as doctors checked his vitals. The monitors showed a weak heartbeat and Dean felt useless, just standing around unable to anything but watch. Then the monitor begun to beep as the weak heart beats turned into a long steady flat line. He saw tubes shoved down Castiel's throat as someone pushed on his chest. A nurse came out and told them to wait there as she closed the curtains, blocking out their view. Dean felt his own heart pick up and increase. He couldn’t lose Cas. He didn’t know how he would cope without him there. He took off, needing to leave the hospital's stuffy waiting room and get some air. He just needed to get some air. 

The crisp air did nothing but increase his agitation. He needed to do something, and he couldn’t stand around while his friend’s life remained on the edge; the line between life and death. He stepped back into the hospital, aimlessly walking around until he caught sight of the chapel sign, before he knew what he was doing, he was heading towards it. He headed to the pews and sat down, bowed his head and prayed to God, prayed for anyone who was listening to help his friend, to bring him back from that invisible line. He didn’t know if anyone heard him, he didn’t know if they even cared, but Cas had helped so many times, had done so much good. Someone had to be listening, had to come and help him. 

“God, I know we're not best mates, but Cas, he's your son. He's my friend. I need him. I need to tell him I'm sorry. You have to save him for me please.”

He had no idea, how long he had been there, praying, hoping for a miracle but when he looked around, he found himself alone in the chapel. He got up and walked slowly to the doors, looking back one more time with a last quick prayer before he opened them.

Dean stepped out of the chapel and made his way slowly back to Castiel’s room. Everything was his fault, if only he had held on to his self-control. Cas wouldn’t be laying in a bed, fighting for his life, and he wouldn’t have lost the friendship that he had with Cas. It was a stupid, a bad move. He knew how the angel had felt for her, so why did he do it? Sure, he had drunk too much whiskey, had felt really low. He hadn’t been thinking when he leaned in and kissed her, had been lost in the comfort that he didn’t stop to think about what he was doing and with whom. He could blame the alcohol. He could blame the stress, but that didn’t excuse him from what he did, because he should have controlled himself.

He turned the corner and looked up through the window to find Castiel lying awake on the bed. Had someone heard his prayer? He stood staring through the window, relieved to find him alive. How long had he been gone?

He shook himself from his thoughts and bit his lip; he needed to make amends with him. He had to tell him how sorry he was and hope that the angel would forgive him one day. He stepped slowly to the door and looked in, clearing his throat. 

“Cas?” he spoke quietly, waiting for any sign of acknowledgement. Castiel didn’t move, didn’t blink, and he just stared up at the ceiling, as if he hadn’t heard him speak.

“I lost control for a minute, and I’m sorry.” He waited but once again Castiel didn’t respond.

“Cas, I am so, so sorry for everything, and I deserve everything you can throw at me, but I want you to know, if you need anything, I mean anything, just ask, and I will come.” He stared down at his feet, feeling shame wash over him. He glanced up to Castiel one last time.

“Okay, well I'd better go, Sam’s waiting for me. I mean it, you need anything Cas. Just call.”

He turned and left the room, feeling the sudden loss of his best friend. He'd screwed up so badly and there was nothing he could do to fix it. He'd hurt his friend, and his family were angry at him. He didn’t blame them. He deserved it. He'd betrayed Cas of all people. 

He slowly left the hospital, remaining quiet on the ride back to Bobby’s where the air was thick with disappointment and tension.

Dean moped around Bobby’s for almost four days. He tried to keep his mind off his friend by distracting himself, washing the impala, sharpening his knives and cleaning the barrel of the rifles, but nothing kept his thoughts far from what happened and the worry, hoping that Castiel was alright. 

It was then, while he, Bobby and Sam were going over some demonic omens that were appearing near a small town just south of them that his phone begun to ring. He was not familiar with the number.

“Hello?”

“Cas?”

“Is he alright?” Sam asked over Castiel’s voice, and Dean raised his hand to halt Sam’s questions, so he could listen. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Dean, I've been thinking and talking to the psychiatrist.”

“That's good Cas...”

“I've come to realize that maybe we should talk. Try to work things out. I don't know if we can, but I'd like to try.”

“Cas, I can't tell you how much that means to me. It's, I'm..... I miss you Cas.”

There was a pause, and Dean worried he'd said too much. He was about to apologise when the silence was broken.

“I'm being released in a few days. I'd like that you and Sam to come to get me. I think that it's worth a try.” 

“Of course Cas, we'll be there.

Three days later, Sam and Dean turned up at the hospital. They walked into the room where Castiel was waiting for them.

Castiel stood looking out of the window.

“Cas?” Dean said upon entering the room.

Castiel turned to face them. He surprised them both when he stepped forward to give them both a hug. “Thank you for coming” he commented. 

“That's all right” Dean said happily patting Castiel on the back.

They drove in relative silence to the bunker. Dean showed Castiel to a room then went to the kitchen.

He felt tense and didn't want to blow the beginnings of a possible reconciliation.

The next morning Castiel emerged from his room.

“Dean, we need to talk” he informed Dean.

“Sure Cas” Dean immediately answered.

“Not here. Somewhere else … somewhere outside.”

Dean grabbed his keys, “We're going out Sam” he said turning to his brother, who nodded his understanding. 

Dean drove around for a bit before he spied a playground. He motioned with his head towards it “Would here do?” he asked the angel.

The angel turned to look at Dean. “Yes Dean. I believe it will.”

The sat in silence for a short while looking at the swings before Dean gathered his courage.

“So Cas” he said hesitantly turning towards the angel.

 

 

If you can not view it due to being blocked, try [Here](https://www.dropbox.com/s/oez4qhxnvxmwt9r/Supernatural%20-%20Dean%20%26%20Castiel%20-%20Who%20Is%20It.mp4?dl=0)

 


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